It's been quite some time since I'd allowed myself to scribble. Little notes, rhyming couplets, nothing. It all came out with so much anguish and pain. It reminded me of the things I've done, and the lies I've told. Worse than this, however, was the loss of my muse. In these long years, I haven't written a thing, no note or sonnet, no poem or lyric. Every word that came from these tired hands seemed to pull my emotions one way or push them the exact opposite.

Now, I won't say I've found myself a new muse. I won't say I've found anything. What I will say is my opinions need to be expressed. My desires, my complaints, down to the very dribble that I refuse to filter from my lobes.

You see, apathy, for all it's negative connotations, is a blessing. If you remain apathetic long enough you'll lose yourself completely, and it's in that time you truly live. It is THOSE decisions that will judge who and what you become. Upon crawling out of my self afflicted hell-hole I realized there is a world around me. Not just the world that has your rules and your codes, a world where I have been given the greatest gifts of all. Life and Free Will. And so long as these ideals pour through my very being I will live my life to the fullest.

Truly though, I hope one wouldn't sense bitterness herein. Those times, my muse, in their absence they accomplished much for me. If she were here today I would thank her for her hateful words. I have become better than I ever was, and will continue to soar higher than any expectation. One won't find what they had left behind. For that, you'd have to backtrack. Follow the path of crumpled paper, blunted pencils and sleepless nights.

This is not for you.